My Story Part 5: Reservations Along the Way

From Working MommaThis is my story of “Coming Home” after being a working mother for six years.  You can read part 1 of my story here, part 2 here., part 3 here, and part 4 here.

I’ve always felt that when it comes to making a major change in my life, I should not seek to get “away” from something; instead, if possible, I should be aiming “toward” something better.  (Exceptions, of course, are fleeing from sin.)

In 2008 the automotive industry endured a tough year, and our dealership was no exception.  It was necessary to downsize my department through attrition, and circumstances were challenging.  I even considered finding another job, but when it came down to it, I felt that when the time came to leave my job, I needed to be leaving to pursue something better, not leaving to “get away” from difficulty.

I got my wish, because as I started approaching the time of leaving my job, at which I had worked over 9 years, it couldn’t have been a better time for the company.  The auto industry was rebounding, my department was having our best year ever, and the owner of the company (my direct boss) demonstrated his full confidence in my abilities.  I loved my job.

That’s when it hit me that coming home might not be the rose garden I had originally pictured it.  You see, I had always been successful in whatever I pursued. I was valedictorian of my high school class, graduated college with a 3.9 GPA, and was entrusted to launch and manage a brand new department at the dealership at the age of 23.

I had to face the fact that my own self-confidence was largely fueled at my job.  What would happen to me when I came home?

Home was where I felt the least competent.  I wasn’t the best housekeeper.  I couldn’t seem to maintain a consistency in discipline for Drew like I would have liked.  I got impatient frequently.  I tried to control my temper when things didn’t go my way but sometimes I lost it.

I was successful at work because I was task-oriented and I could control whatever I needed to for the most part.  Home was a completely different environment.  I couldn’t control my children’s every decision.  I couldn’t control my reactions much of the time.  I couldn’t control my own compulsivity to get all the home tasks completed before spending quality with my children.  Spending any length of time with my them on a weekend caused me to desire to go back to work so I could fill my self-confidence tank up again.  Being at home depleted it.

What in the world was I going to do at home about this?

Read the final part of my story next week: A New Way of Life


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One thought on “My Story Part 5: Reservations Along the Way

  1. Pingback: My Story Part 6: A New Way of Life | Journey with Jill

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